Like Wayne Rooney, I’m a lover of the old. I’m never happier than when some wrinkled old seaside-bungalow hogger is regaling me with tales of a bygone age.
If my old man is to be believed, and he’s not, football was completely different in the old days. Goals were celebrated by a handshake, an assault on a goalkeeper was practically encouraged and heading the ball led to a short stay in hospital, which was basically a shed with a sponge.
I’m unsure of the best way of handling the Qiu Qiu elderly when they reach such a constant state of dull reflection, but only a fool should rule out euthanasia. It looks like Avram Grant will soon be put out of his misery; Sunderland can lend a helping hand at 7/1.
Mohammed Al Fayed is another pensioner who appears to have lost the plot. He’s gone from Coleman to Sanchez to Hodgson; he’s only one step away from a Souness. Everton will make Fulham pay the ultimate price at 6/5.
Time has also caught up with the once sharp Harry Redknapp. The technophobic manager’s memory is in such a poor state, he’s now being cordial to the BBC. The old people alliance will not be amused by this shock development. I’ll be splitting my sides when the Villa leave Fratton Park with the win at 21/10.
If Derby are dead and Fulham are dying, then Newcastle have just found a rather large mole. I can certainly empathise; I wake up next to a large lump every morning. A bet on Birmingham to beat Newcastle at 13/10 will lead to a substantial growth in the betting bank.
Now that Rafa Benitez has finally came to his senses, Liverpool’s results have improved dramatically. I …